Thursday, January 30, 2014

Super Bowl Placeholder

We wanted to throw this up here for the P1. These times around the fire tuning into The Ticket, listening to the crazy tales from the road are some of our favorite. The content is rich. 15 guys away from their families for a week, cooped up together in the Big Apple makes for radio gold.

So enjoy it my friends.

We have a few strong posts in the oven. Tune in early next week for some new, meaty Ticket Talk.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Failed Pics From Ticket Stock

We scanned some Polaroid snaps into the Macintosh for your viewing pleasure. Nothing to ground breaking here. Things we did not capture on film was the Phil-Dill boat display (a 100k pontoon boat, really?), Ticket Museum, Jerry's Cowboy bus.

 The bar, selling overpriced beer. Next year, bringing a cooler. Or a back pack full of weed.

Mechanical bull. 

Descending Hunan with his spot light during "Points for Sex". Best performance of the night.

 Keller's Hamburgers. Where P1's go to raise hell after Ticket Stock. And eat cheap burgers.

There you go. The sparest of pictures from Ticket Stock. Throw up your Picasa album in the comments if you have anything better.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Morning After

Pure greatness, that was. We got to see some of the later round tables and all of the Time Wasters. Not going to say much now on it all, wanted to get this up for the three people that read this blog in case they want to post a comment.

Loved getting to see such a large group of P1's. There was vaping, homeless miscreants asking for money and lots of Rich Phillips look a likes. Best part was mixing with all the guys after the show. They were great, letting us beat them down to take pictures and share in awkward embraces. 

Some quick hits that come to mind: Junes's Points for Sex (I am insane now), TC rapping, Jub on the fiddle, Sirois brothers pumping up the crowd, Tweeting our asses off. 

It was pure good good fun. 

Now, who has that recording from Friday night?

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Our Ticket Stock Prospective

We are ducking our heads in the Grey Hound station as we write this to you, fellow P1's. Trying to scribble this message to you on the back of a pull out from the latest Texas Monthly (Ted Cruz strikes again bitches), and pass it along to Randall behind the counter at the Western Union stand. If this all sounds a bit jumbled, blame our rusty Morse code. Or the tamales we bought from Delfina outside the station. Unpasteurized goat cheese was a bad choice my Hispanic friend. Anyways, we had to get this out to you before we depart for the D.

What do we think is in store for this weekend? We don't really know. Us here at the Wastelander hovel, well removed from the watchful eye of Margaret Hunt Hill as she sits on top of her bridge, have a little time to ponder as we make our way into the metroplex. There is a good chance it ends up like our previously described agenda. Hopefully not, hopefully Cat got this whole thing sorted out right and we can follow the schedule. This is a schedule for human beings for crying out loud.

Enough with the nonsense for a second though. Listening in today we could hear the hosts realizing that this is more than just another Ticket Stock. This is two decades of history we are celebrating here. This will be all the hosts, digging deep and revealing to us the personal life they have that swims around beneath their on air consciousness. Mike for example revealed today that he was getting a little nostalgic, and that for him this was a big deal. Danny chimed in saying, "you should enjoy it man." As he should. The same thing has happened to us this week, realizing that this is more than just another Ticket Stock. These guys have been together for 20 damn years, and its time to pull the curtain back as a group and take a teary eyed look at the thing. And get drunk.

So shove your paw into that bag of Redman and pull out a healthy chaw, this ride in will be a rough one. Get that spit cup ready and tune Pandora to the closest rendition of Waylon Willie and Kris. We already got our eye on that tweeker over there in the corner of the station as The One To Watch Out For On This Ride. Or that lady with the Cricket phone, Cricket means trouble.

And once we make it to that station on Lamar street, we'll make that 7 minute walk over to the convention center, to see the whole family. And beat them down, and pay homage to a body of work that will never be repeated.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Current Events: Mike Bacsik

Just read the Dearmore piece about Bacsik from the Dallas Observer (dated for Thursday the 23rd?) When this went down in 2010, we felt terrible about it. As if getting knocked around in MLB baseball wasn't enough, Bacsik decided to take on another hard hitting industry. He was a guy who had  real on-air potential (and still does), just trying to scratch it out in another tough gig. We knew him as Norm's handler and the sharp guy on the Ranger's post game show. Then, he was gone. And oddly the hosts didn't mourn him, some joked about it a little as we remember, and still do. Some of it was jabbing at Cumulus big whigs, but some seemed a little dark. It brings to mind other abrupt endings to careers at the Ticket. Namely, Greggo. But this was so different than that. There was no mystery, no questions unanswered and no conspiracy theories. Mike took full responsibility immediately and the situation's course was laid out plainly. A journey of hard work, gutting it out and taking risks halted by 15 seconds of drunken irresponsibility.

Now at the Fan, Mike is back on the air apparently. We never listen to that station, but good luck man. Stay hard Mike!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Your Favorite Ticket Experience

More nostalgia. Because that's just how were feelin, OK? The Wastelander hovel is a little sticky this morning. But as we plow through the empty cans of Pearl and plastic bottles of Canadian Mist, wondering who is going to clean this Cabana Queso off the pool table, we open the front door to a sunny morning and glow in our hangover. Sit on the porch couch and scratch. And smoke the last two Black and Milds in that box. Wood tips? What a treat. 

So you start to discuss things in that way. Channeling your inner Garrison Kheeler, laughing without moving your eyes from that weird room mate's girlfriends plant down there that has been dead for months. Feeling the potential of that Sunday Morning Coming Down, while things are still moving slowly but before the football games start.

And you think about Your Favorite Ticket Experience. Ours is Cowboys Training Camp. Thanks to the webcam, a P1 feels like he is sitting next to the hosts. You can even watch them mill about smartly during commercial breaks.  Yes you are getting beaten down in your cubicle filling out TPS reports, but you are doing it next to the Junes. As Gordo molests Rowdy on the field. There is something special about knowing throughout the day you can tune it in, turn it up and voyeur on while your favorite radio hosts do their shtick.

We remember a specific moment, maybe in 2011 in San Antonio. Somehow the Musers got ahold of some freight carts, those giant flat bed push carts you see at Sam's Club, capable of carrying a weeks worth of roast beef for an You Are Having I'm Arby's. Gordo was the moderator, with Junes challenging Jub Jub in a race around the Alamodome pushing these behemoths. And we can't remember if there were passengers on the carts, there might have been. So what happened was this: the station was broadcasting from the middle level deck in the dome. That level where the press boxes are. There was a large hallway circling the dome that the boys were racing through. The webcam was trained on the circus the whole time, watching them directly at the beginning and catching them across the dome for split seconds as they flashed by the concourses. It was complete insanity. Gordo was stirring the pot with I think Norm, probably speculating on some extra butt thrust from Jub Jub or the measured tenacity expected from Craig. The competitors had mikes too, losing connection as they figuratively went past the far side of the moon, and abrutly cutting back in when they were back in range. The whole bit was hilarious, a product of some guys stuffed away in a spare 65,000 seat stadium with nothing to do but talk about the Cowboys and drink bad margaritas on the River Walk. There was hearty Georgio laughter, Gordo screaming and general chaos. Don't know how they calmed down after that to stay on the air. The most surprising thing was that George won.

Yea for us its that moment if we have to pick one. But really any time the gang travels and camps out together in some far away city. Usually there is the webcam, and a P1 can camp out too, being part of the insanity. The stories that come from these weeks are greatness. And the camaraderie between the guys is impressive, the late nights at bars, practical jokes at the hotel, talking about rooming with Norm, the speed and efficiency of the Junes getting ready, and so on. We can do what they can do, but they can't do what we do.

So as that Black and Mild transitions from the latter to the former, and that cool room mate's girl friend starts to clean the house, let the sun shine upon Your Favorite Ticket Experience, and enjoy it. And don't feel bad about ashing in that plant, its dead anyways.

So, what is yours?

Shout out to Stephen Kelley. And TC. I like steak.

"Uh Paul in, uh..."

Friday, January 17, 2014

Current Events: Ticket Stock 2014

This is a big deal. Twenty years of the Ticket is upon us P1's. You might say, 20 years? That ain't that long in radio history. Hell, the Magliozzi brothers on NPR, our P2 station, talked about cars for 35 years. But they only did it once a week, and they were just two people. The Ticket was originally a community of about 10 people, from different generations and backgrounds, that banded together back in 1994 and have never looked back. Since then we have seen some bedrock changes, great additions and rising stars.The original 10 has expanded, but the founders are still here for the most part. And we get to hear them every day.

What a hell of a time to start a new blog, right? While we pile the Schlitz and Wild Turkey at the Wasteland honey hole in preparation for this party, lets plan out a sample Ticket Stock schedule for the big strong P1. If all the staff at the Wasteland offices can dig enough pennies out of our cup-holders we might just buy some Grey Hound bus tickets and trek on over from our far away ports of call. It might look something like this:
  • Friday: 
    • Noon - show up on time of course. Find Killer, give him a high five. 
    •  12:15 - Find bar, shot gun beer. Order a pitcher of buttery nipples and do our best Fake Norm laugh.
    • 12:30 - Find Danny. Spare him to death.
    • 12:35 - Shot gun beer.
    • 12:40 - Stand in a big group of people and watch some round tables. Yell vaginal slice born born at George.
    • 12:45 Shot gun beer. Realize that this pace of drinking is unsustainable. 
    • 12:50 - Talk to Ticket Chicks. Tell them they have nice feet. 
    • 1:00 - Wander over to Exhibit Hall A, get lost in a sea of high school cheer leaders and steal some pom-poms (poor choice of weekends NCA). Hold a fake Ted Cruz rally for an hour.
    • 2:30 - Watch Jim Jackson talk about sports. Eat a boom stick.
    • 3:00 - Shot gun beer. Teach TC how to Frumble. TC knocks himself out, but only for like a few seconds. 
    • 3:30 - Watch the real Michael Irvin talk to the fake Michael Irvin. 
    • 3:45 - Ask George for fake Michael Irvin autograph. Challenge George to bong three beers at once, he wins. 
    • 4:00 - 7:00 - Pass out in the Ticket Museum for 3 hours. 
    • 7:00 - Listen to behind the scenes perspective from all hosts. Gordo turns into Mush Mouth and tears entire stage down.
    • 7:30-10:00 - black out
    • 10:00 - Get kicked out of Ticket Stock. 
    • 10:10 - Fall asleep under I-30. Dream about Mike's curly hair. 
  • Saturday:
    • 9:30 - Wake up next to Gordo, walk back to Ticket Stock. 
    • 10:00  - Walk back into Ticket Stock, rummage through Ticket Museum for a change of clothes. Find Greggo's jersey from original Charity Challenge on Ice and Grube's pants from the 2009 Great Game. 
    • 10:30 - Shot gun beer. Gain Corby's favor and talk about TCU girls. Rub Donovan's shiny head.
    • 11:00 - 6:00 - Entire crowd recesses into Ticket Museum. Confused P1's watch NCA semifinals in exhibit hall D, Cat forgot to schedule Ticket Stock for Saturday afternoon.
    • 6:00 - Timewasters take the stage. Jub, Gordo and Junes are first and redo Captain Doo Doo song. Shot gun beer backstage.
    • 6:30 - Greggo rises up from middle of stage wearing Lord Humungus outfit, with microphone. Grubes drops from ceiling on a wire dressed as Ted Nugent circa 1979, with bass. Rocco Pendola walks through smoke screen stage rear with double necked electric guitar. Bela Flec is on his back playing banjo. Gordon wearing half-cat costume rolls on stage with piano. Jer plays drums from within Dr. Wierd's Insanoflex from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. They all play Let the Sunshine In's song "Aquarius".
    • 6:31 - Entire crowd is put into zombie like trance and begins to dance after Greggo removes his Lord Humungus mask revealing the location of all the drops lost during the move to the Victory station. 
    • 6:32 - Shot gun beer. 
    • 6:33 - Alerted by all the commotion, finalists from the NCA nationals arrive. Corby buys them all beer and goes to jail under supervision of Chief Brown. 
    • 6:35 - Cat takes the stage, restores order. 
    • 6:40 - Modano and Pudge are next, rescheduled at this time due to the cheer leading mix up. They do an impromptu rendition of My Little Buttercup as seen on the movie Three Amigos with Modano as Chevy Chase, Pudge as Martin Short and Mike Backsik as Steve Martin.
    • 6:50 - Organize frumble circle with entire Ticket staff.
    • 7:00 - Ticket Stock ends early. We are all insane now.
But were just having fun here no?

Lets get back to business here for a second.

While we don't agree with the doom and gloom predictions of others out there, or feel our radio pants go crazy when contract negotiations get sticky, we understand that nothing lasts forever (those are friendly pokes, Plainsman and Richie). We get the feelings too when we think of this Ticket birthday as a transition point, a so called kiss goodbye as the Ticket sails off into the distance and lets the JV take over. In 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, whatever it is. But for now, the Ticket is here. Norm will be there at 10 AM, we will hear what is on Mike's mind at 3:40 PM, TC will play tracks from Super Mario Brothers on the Top Ten and Rich will wake us up at 5:30 with the Ticket Ticker. Enjoy it while it is here. Just our thoughts for today.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Ticket Employee Review: Big Strong Jeremy

Welcome a new Wasteland bit, the Ticket employee review. We will attempt to pull back the triple fake curtain to look at the person behind the on air persona. First up, our review of BSJ, one of the longest tenured and least well known employees at the Ticket hovel.

Jer is the morning board op guy, and has been for a while. That is the extent of what most people know about the man, that he has been there since the beginning and stays pretty quiet. Definitely the least vocal guy at the station with a microphone in front of him. Jer has been the board op for the D&M show and Norm since August of 1997, his first big time job after graduating from Hardin-Simmons University.  A reliable person behind the board; plays drops, but not too many. Votes in the Biggest Show Coming to Town, but otherwise doesn't speak much in regular programming. A smooth operator at the board, a guy that can handle the likes of Gordo, Dunham, Miller and Norm.

Historically at the Ticket Jer is one of the founders of the drop. Along with Grubes, Expo and Psycho Dave, Big Strong Jer helped developed the art. If done right, a drop can create comedy that dominates the segment. Case in point, take Gordo's death to stricken animals segment today. Jer's drops were all over the place, he played many more than he normally does. But they made the segment, punctuating Gordo's description of chopping a Starling's head off with a hatchet. Earlier this week, we had Jub get into the problems with fracking and the ridiculous commercials oil companies produce to promote it, with kids in swimming pools next to fracking towers. Jer's expertly placed drops were not only hilarious but they paint the picture of what Jub is telling you. They add another layer to the on air comedy, another force in our Ticket subconsciousness. They are the honey mustard sauce on your Chick-Fil-A nuggets. The alcohol at your bible study Christmas party.

Gordon sees him as the eternal suffering character, a role we think Jer happily embraces. This is typified when you hear Gordon, in his fake comforting voice whisper, "Oh Jer..." in response to a rare comment from Jeremy regarding car repairs, retirement or something like that.

Random Facts: He had bariatric surgery in 2009, his wife is blind and she has a cool seeing eye dog. He likes Star Wars and pro wrestling.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Kill me: Ads

What's the moon made of? Why do dogs have wet noses? Why is the ocean salty? Why is a pizza round? How do cellphones work?

How do you throw a curveball? How high can you jump? How many phone numbers are there? How do fish learn how to swim?

Hi, I'm calling to report a bear sighting!

Kill me.

When these come on there is nothing we can do faster than to lunge for the mute button and/or punch over to Pandora. It is so painful because there are not many of these things, and when they start playing in a P1's ear its like the war veteran hearing the screen door slam. Turn that shit OFF, and NOW!

Lets face it lads, advertisements are the mattress this station sleeps on. Notice the very Carlton Maxwell metaphor people, the ads are sleep for the station. The station would soon die without them, the hosts use them to prepare for Ticket broadcasting consciousness and they occupy approximately 1/3 of the broadcasting day. Right now, the Ticket management and sales staff are popping pills or swilling dream juice to get the sleep it needs. The ads are frankly unhealthy for the existence of the station. Judging from what we hear on air and what we read on blogs next door at the Plainsman's house, people punch out when these things come on. And they punch out hard, to places like 103.3 or 90.1 (NPR, for you uncultured DFW heathens).

The perpetual conflict right? The consumer of radio broadcasting must deal with advertisements, hell the product you are consuming is free anyways. Cable TV has ads and we have to pay for that? So maybe we should just put up with it. Maybe this is just a problem for a station with such devoted listeners that they obligatorily memorize its ads. Or maybe the little Ticket could cause a paradigm shift in how ads are delivered. Require companies to send you collections of ads aimed at one product, instead of using the same one for months, for example. Because right now the advertisements on the Ticket are detrimental to its overall product.

Twitter Time Waste

Yes, we did. Follow us on the Twits for more strong time wasting fun. @AP1Wasteland

Everything out there is happening more than we think it is, apparently.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Wondering: The Insanity of WTDS

This segment on the little Ticket is complete insanity. Hosts talking over each other, rambling conversation, line 4 guy and wheels off background music. However, it is structured and is consistent in its flow. Dan leads us through with 'On this day in...', P1 birthdays (still faxed in of course), station birthdays, 'dead on this day still dead', the occasional question from Norm and spare birthdays. It is a prolonged show mixer marking the entry into the late afternoon and the start of THL. In ones mind you can almost see Dan pulling this wagon of a segment through the mud that is constant interruption, off topic comments and occasional breakout of song. In many ways it is his ideal type of segment, one with ventures into the absurd, dark humor and chaos.

The segment begs two questions:

Why does Danny never speak during this segment?
-We have heard Danny mention in the past that this segment is his kryptonite, most likely because the segment is so crowded with Bob, Dan, Ty, Danny, Mike, Snake, Jake, L4G and the occasional random.

What's the deal with line 4 guy?
- Some people say he is an old friend of Dan's, others that he is just a long time loyal P1 who calls in everyday during WTDS. Regardless, to our knowledge there has never been a 'pull back the curtain' discussion on his identity. He is rarely even addressed or acknowledged. His comments often incite laughter, but he is never directly engaged in conversation. He could be considered the voice of the P1, a 12th man on the air if you will.

Weigh in with you own thoughts wastelanders...

Monday, January 6, 2014

The Most Caustic Drop on the Ticket

It has to be the contrived Norm drop, "Black man ... white bitch".

Especially in the context when Jake Z used it today, talking about Charlie Strong and his very white wife.

But its THL, who socially lean way left of center, so its ok right?

Character Analysis: Deep Throat Informant

Modulated to create two voices, one high one low, both very creepy, talking with each other to mimic the identity-protected-witnesses you see talk on crime shows.

One of the legend bits to feature this character has to be the Informant's description of a confrontation of Antonio Bryant and Bill Parcel's fupa. Commonly replayed on Rotten Radio, this bit builds a scene between a frustrated Antonio and a Godly Parcels hanging from his sex swing in the locker room. Dez is upset because he is not getting his, "reps that are many," in training camp. After disrobing and piling his laundry on the bulbous Tuna, the Tuna's fupa, transported in its own wheel barrow, glows red and pulsates. Antonio continues to antagonize the Tuna and faces the fupa wrath, having his face melted off in Indiana Jones Ark of the Covenant fashion.

You have to wonder, does Gordo script these bits before hand? How much of it is ad-lib? The content here is stuff of deep REM stage 4 sleep dreams. Weird, bizzare, and hilarious.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Current Events: Ticket Stock promo

I am insane now. If the original promo for Ticket Stock 2014 was not bad enough, I just heard its schizophrenic little brother. The redo has Gordo and Jub singing the promo in voices such as Fake Tiger, Fake Jerry, Fake Irvin etc.

And no, Donnie is still not included.

Word Definition: Hard-by

Not used much in casual Ticket host conversation, but more in promos or live spots between segments. The term is used to describe proximity, it means close to. For example:

Ticket promo guy: "Broadcasting from our new studio, hard-by the AAC..."

In this instance its used to show that the new studios are very close to the AAC, obvious.

But where does the term come from? Who came up with it? Unknown in these offices...

Relationship Perusal: Jub and Gordo

George, the conservative, family oriented, genteel, affable UNT alum and possible future radio hall of famer; has sat next to Gordo, the aloof, quirky, brilliant, son of a preacher outlaw; on a daily basis for a shade under two decades. Gordo is Jub's foil on paper. They are opposites in many ways and Gordo, with his blood in the water mentality, profits off of this immensely. Excerpts from a fictional Muse segment:

Muse in the News
Gordo: "Here's a story for you George, and count the red flags Craig, man found in public park (ding) pleasuring himself (ding)  with a pack of hot dogs (ding)." ///Craig bursts out laughing
George: "Don't drag me into this, why do you do that?"
Gordo: "Your kinda story George."///chuckling
George: (George laughing from another previous story)
Gordo: (said quickly in an accusatory manner) "And two people were killed yesterday in a grocery store parking lot car crash. (pause, and slowing) What do you think about that George?"
George: "Why do you do that..."

Or a non-fiction promo for a bit coming up:

Gordo: (said with no chance of rebuttal by George): "George's hero, the star of Duck Dynasty, gets in some hot water for anti-gay remarks, we talk about it next."

And Craig is no guilt free party in the Gordo fueled tension here. His indifference to the jabs keeps him where he lives on the D&M show, his own island. One that he keeps swept clean, neat, with his bikes and running shoes kept in shining order. He is a passive observer to the constant pseudo-rivalry between his other two hosting colleagues.

It is true that both hosts, Jub and Gordon, are dynamic characters whom respect each other immensely and often have honest conversation on topical matters such as religion, death, suffering, the airport or holidays. They can function together as hosts to address deep issues, just look at their coverage of 9/11 or local tragedies. I believe its during those conversations that we see the true nature of this relationship.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Rotten Radio

Its genius. Replaying the best bits during off or weekend hours. And the segments contain three or four replayed bits, strung together with the rotten radio promo in between.

Listen long enough, you hear the same bits played, like repeated songs on Pandora. Deep Throat Informant talks Tuna, Jerry calls Felix Jones with Wade, Gay Cowboy song by Corby etc.

Filler for lack of JV talent or ambition you could say. Cat has made it clear elsewhere that rarely is he approached with new show ideas to fill the time Rotten is on. But entertaining filler nonetheless.